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16 Februaury 2017

New Life at the Villa Borghese

by Andrew

I feel new life opening-up before me. I like that little phrase. I felt that the day after Christmas, that new life was opening-up, walking-back home from the job. It was in the air. I remember repeating it to myself. That was the last day I'd work too, I didn't know till 3 weeks later. But I sometimes foretell the future, my power. Though, I'd rather be able to teleport. Or to heal like Wolverine would be nice. But I never get sick too. And that is a nice one to have.

And sometimes to a smaller extent I feel it, new life opening. If I take a new path on a walk that I particularly like, for example. And always in the Spring I feel it too, all the flowers blossoming in the warm, fragrant, wet air. Spring is a wonderful time.

And I felt it the other day. I walked to the grocery store for orange juice, a little treat. I had just finished "making" a comments program—hacking-together it more was. That Umpqua orange juice is so delicious. I felt a huge weight off of my mind, walking, this extreme pressure that was there was gone. And I was just walking-round. I was so calm. And the worry of money is always there. But I didn't care. Get poorer, I felt, and it'll only make me richer. Get richer and I'll be more comfortable.

Every time I leave a job I feel this actually, the new life. Quiting a job is a very pleasurable feeling to me, now that I think of it. The possibilities are endless. The dread is gone in a sneeze. Later comes the fear and worry, and then that old crab Reality comes and gives you a stiff kick in the pants. But maybe for a day or 2 it feels wonderful, being free. If only you can just stay that.

Then things would be shit though. That's too much good at once. You need some dirt too.

Like lightening-bugs this is. You run-round a big grass field with a jar. The jar has some grass in it too, to be sure. And you catch maybe 10 or so. They're easy to catch and fairly harmless, the little critters. It's not so terrible. And they're glowing in your jar.

And I'm reminded now, of Tolstoy. Somewhere in 'War and Peace' he writes about some bees beautifully, a few times I think. That's a good one, 'War and Peace.' I've read of it, that it's all you need, like a Bible itself. It teaches you in it everything you'll ever need to know. It certainly looks that way, an intimidating tome.


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